


We're Just Strangers, With The Same Damn Hunger

by Fahreechaa



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Just boys trying to figure shit and their feelings out, M/M, My fave part of this is when they were roasting Jian Yi, Yes title is from a halsey song, anyways i love tianshan a lot and this was just me trying to figure stuff out from momos perspective, i wrote this at 3am in one sitting pls accept it, no real plot, sorry jian yi bb i love you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 23:07:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11793351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fahreechaa/pseuds/Fahreechaa
Summary: His straight black hair hung off his forehead, where Guan Shan could see He Tian's thin eyebrows. They were furrowed, and Guan Shan stared at the lines between his eyebrows. There were dark circles under He Tian's eyes, he realized. The scar on his neck was still a faint red.He's just a kid, Guan Shan thought. A kid with more money that he knows what to do with and an apartment with huge glass windows and glass silence. He smiles like he's not used to it, like he's afraid he’ll break something with it.Then, I wonder what he looks like when he's alone. I wonder if I’d recognize him.He Tian was watching him, his face a few breaths away. “What am I supposed to do with you?” he whispered. “What do you want me to do?”“You’re the one who doesn't know what he wants,” Guan Shan muttered. “I can't make sense of you.”He Tian was still, no expression on his face. “I've always known what I want,” he whispered back. His voice sounded like it was going to break in half. Maybe He Tian was made of glass too.





	We're Just Strangers, With The Same Damn Hunger

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Strangers by Halsey ft. Lauren Jauregui

He was here. Again.

Guan Shan closed his eyes and counted to ten, praying to the universe that when he opened his eyes again, He Tian, dressed in black basketball shorts and a tight blue tank top, would not be lying on his bed like he owned it.

He had just returned from a quick shopping trip, buying a few ingredients for dinner, when he walked into his bedroom for a quick nap and found him there.

Unfortunately for Guan Shan, the universe hated his sorry guts, because when he opened his eyes again He Tian was still there, that infuriating smirk stitched onto his face.  
Okay. He can do this. He can deal with this nuisance effectively. Probably.

“What,” he growled in a very very calm voice, no anger at all, “ the _fuck_ are you doing in my house? Who let you in?” Knowing the bastard, he might have a copy of the key for Guan Shan’s house. He wouldn't put it past him.

He Tian looked up from the magazine he was reading, then lazily closed it with one hand. He sat up painfully slow, taking his time to answer Guan Shan’s question.  
“Your mother let me in. Lovely lady, really. Insisted that I can come over whenever I want. She also told me to stay for dinner-and spend the night.” He ended his statement by flashing his perfectly straight, white teeth.

Guan Shan saw overwhelming, burning red. He flung open his bedroom door and stormed to the living room, where his mom sat watching one of her romance movies. She smiled at Guan Shan when she saw him approaching.

“Mom! Why do you keep letting him- into our house! _Into my room!”_ he whispered harshly.  
His mother frowned at his tone, the lines around her mouth deepening. “Oh come now, Guan Shan, he's a lovely, sweet boy! So polite, really, and if we're going to be honest, I think you could do with some more good friends! You haven't had anyone here in ages. Why are you so against him coming over?”

_Maybe because our house literally looks like it's falling apart. Maybe I don't want to see his stupid smirk when he notices how shabby our place looks compared to his place. I don't want to give him more power over me. Maybe it's because our table is barely big enough for two people, let alone another person. Maybe because when he's here, lying in my bed, he makes me feel weird and makes my chest and head hurt and I get angry. Maybe I don't want him taking over my place like he takes over everying else. I don't want to invite the lion into our own den. He’ll eat us alive. I can't keep fighting him, Mom, at some point I’m going to give in._

Out loud he said,” I don't want him spending the night or eating our food. It's too much of a bother.”  
His mother stood up and brushed off her apron, then put her hands on her hips angrily. “Mo Guan Shan! We don’t treat guests like that at our home! I thought I raised you better than to be so rude.”

“We never have guests over, Mom!”  
“All the more reason to treat him with respect! Now, go to the kitchen and make him some tea. Serve the tea in those cups we have, the nice ones in the cupboard.”

Guan Shan stopped himself from rolling his eyes at the last second. His mom was actually going all out for this asshole who had managed to charm her with a few disgustingly sweet words and a few smiles. Guan Shan had seen He Tian work his smile at teachers and his female classmates, causing them to bow down at his very feet. And now his own mom had fallen for the bastard’s tricks. He shook his head and headed for the kitchen without another word.  
After he put the tea kettle on the stove, he reached for the cupboard and retrieved the fancy cups his mother never used, the ones with no cracks and gold and red flowers painted on the outside. He poured the tea in two cups carefully, and carried them to his bedroom.

He Tian had his eyes closed, and he didn't open them until Guan Shan closed the door behind him. His eyes opened slowly and he watched Guan Shan with unblinking eyes. His black eyes were two dark lakes, perfectly still and unmoving. He's not a lion, he’s a panther, Guan Shan thought, unnerved. Black and dangerous and beautiful. Or maybe a black raven, a black wolf. Something with long claws or talons that could reach whatever he wanted. He set the cups down on his desk with a clatter. Tianshan looked at them with interest.

“Drink your tea, pronto, then fuck off outta here. Tell my mom you got some homework or shit to do,” he ordered He Tian.  
He Tian grinned. “Aren't you being rude, kicking me out of your house like that? I don't think your mom raised you to be rude like that.”  
Guan Shan whipped his head around to stare at He Tian. “You-heard-”  
The other boy laughed, then rapped on the wall next to the bed with his knuckles. “The walls are very thin here, Guan Shan baby.”  
Guan Shan scowled at the nickname. “Don't call me that, asshat. Drink your damn tea.”

He Tian smirked and reached for the tea with his long fingers. Guan Shan stared at the way they curved around the cup handle, then looked away and busied himself with drinking from his own cup. He took a small sip, avoiding He Tian’s eyes.  
The two boys drank in silence, Guan Shan sitting stiffly on the floor, while He Tian leaned against a pillow on the bed. He took another small sip-

“Why do you keep coming over? This is like- the third time. Don't you have anything else to do?” Guan Shan blurted out.  
“Well, you don't come over as much anymore. I got lonely without you, Momo.”

Guan Shan ignored the nickname and hid his burning face behind his cup. He Tian- He Tian- got lonely without him? Someone as rich and popular and dangerous as He Tian could miss someone like Guan Shan? He scowled. No, He Tian was messing with him as always, trying to get a rise out of him. He wasn't going to get one.  
He Tian looked at him curiously. “What are you thinking about?”  
Guan Shan flipped him off quickly, a practiced motion. “How about you mind your own fucking business. You’ve finished your tea, haven't you? Haul your ass out of here aready.”  
He Tian frowned. “You know, I thought we’ve gotten past all this already.”  
“Past _what_?”  
“The Hating-He-Tian-Thing. Didn't you cook me that fancy meal at my place the other time? And wrap up the injury on my hand?”  
“That-that was becasue I _owed_ you, because of the crap She Li pulled! No one asked you to do shit-”  
He Tian leaned forward. “No one needs to ask me to protect my friends.”  
Guan Shan was silent for a few moments. “We're not friends,” he muttered.“You’re an ass, who thinks it's funny to mess with me all the time-”

He Tian brushed this off with a wave of his hand. “Call us what you like, babe, you're not gonna be able to resist me for long.”

_I know. You don't have to remind me of how weak I am._

“Also, yeah, it's really cute how angry you get when I mess with you.”  
“Fuck y-”

A short knock rapped quickly on the door. “Guan Shan?”  
He whipped his head towards the door. “Yeah, Mom?”  
She creaked the door open a little bit. “Please come help with dinner, sweetheart. Tian, please wait a bit more for dinner, it’ll be ready soon.”

_Tian_?! His mom was already calling him by his first name?

“...Right,” he muttered, too disturbed to say any more. His mom left with a smile.  
Guan Shan knew without looking that the bastard was smirking. “Aren't you a good, obedient, son. Your mom knows how many fights you start at school?”

Guan Shan ignored him and stalked out quickly. To his dismay, He Tian followed him, hands in his pockets.  
“What are you doing?”  
“Helping out with dinner.”  
“I thought I told you to _leave_ -”  
They reached the kitchen, Guan Shan whsipering furiously. His mom noticed them and turned around, waving a ladle. “Guan Shan, please cut these up and add them to the stew. Tian, you like beef stew with vegetables, right?”  
He Tian gave her his best smile. “Love it. Guan Shan here always makes it for me the way I like it.”  
“Oh, I didn't know!” She gave her son a quick smile, probably thinking something like _I’m so relieved my loner son finally has friends_ and _I should invite Tian everyday for dinner, Guan Shan would love to have his friend over all the time_.  
Guan Shan wondered if he should tell his mom that He Tian pays him for his cooking services. It would help get rid of any delusions of friendship she may have.

He Tian walked over to the stove, hands still in his pockets. “Auntie, I want to help in making dinner.”  
“Oh, no, please don't bother yourself, please go sit down-”  
“It's not a bother. Please go sit down, me and Guan Shan will make the dinner.”  
“But-”  
“Mom, go sit down,” Guan Shan said loudly. “Let him work for his free dinner.” His mom whacked him lightly on his arm, but gave He Tian a bright smile. “You're such a sweet boy, your mother must have raised you well. I haven't done as good of a job, I'm afraid,” she said, giving her son a pointed glance.  
She finally left them alone, retreating into the living room.

He Tian shuffled next to Guan Shan, peering over his shoulder to watch him cut up celery. “What can I do to help?”  
“ _You_? Help? You can't even boil water. Sit down and wait ‘till I'm done.”  
“But you told your mom you wanted me to help-”  
“I just said that to go make her sit down.” He sliced up a carrot into small pieces with well-practiced motions. He could feel He Tian standing very close to him. His breath stuttered in his chest.

“You really care about you mom, huh? She works a lot?”  
“She has three jobs,” he muttered. “She's not home much, so I want her to be resting when she actually is home.” Why did he tell him that? Guan Shan felt as if he lost another piece of himself to He Tian, like leaves drifting through the wind, one by one. He felt exposed.  
“Hmm,” He Tian hummed. “What about your dad?”

The wind blew harder.

“Shut the hell up,” Guan Shan spat out. “Mind your own business.”  
“Ah, I see.” The bastard leaned on the counter. “So you too are a child lacking in fatherly love. You and Jian Yi should form a club.”  
“You and Jian Yi should go _fuck_ each other-”  
“Nah, he's not my type.” An unspoken question hung in the air.  
He Tian continued. “My type is someone who can cook for me, clean for me, and at the end of the day, spread their-”  
“Okay!” Guan Shan said loudly, thankfully cutting him off. He could tell by the other boy's smirk that he was joking, as always. Life was one long joke to He Tian. “Yeah, Jian Yi is not the type of person to do that, no way,” Guan Shan muttered out loud. “He's more like the type to eat all your food and trash your house and annoy you to the point that you can't get hard with him.”

He Tian threw his head back and laughed, his sharp front teeth on display. Guan Shan stared despite himself; he had never heard him laugh like this before. He Tian’s eyes became a shiny black, instead of the lightless black holes they usually were. Guan Shan watched the wolf become tamed for a few moments.

“Very true,” He Tian said, still sniggering. “His looks are the only thing he's got going for him.” Guan Shan snorted at that quietly.

The tension in the kitchen was gone, and the two boys lapsed into comfortable silence as Guan Shan finished slicing the vegetables and threw them into the stew. He added the spices and other necessary ingredients, then instructed He Tian to stir it for a few moments with the wooden spoon.  
“Hopefully this won't be too hard for you. Don't scrape the bottom of the pot with the spoon.”  
He Tian smiled as he did as he was told, taking the spoon from Guan Shan. “So now you want me to help? You don't know what you want, do you?”  
“Shut up, this is just so you can actually tell my mom you did something.”  
He Tian began to stir, his face scrunched up in concentration, the tip of his tongue poking out.

How could a person be so hard and soft at the same time? How could he seem untoucable one second, then completely unravel like loose thread another second?

_This is why I didn't want you coming over. I don't want to see you soft. I only know how to deal with your sharp smile and sharper words._

He Tian looked up at him. “Is that enough?”  
“...Yeah.” He took the spoon from him. He finished up dinner, adding more ingredients and retrieving things from the fridge. He Tian watched him in silence, drumming his fingers on the counter. When Guan Shan finally finished, the two carried the stew and the rest of dinner to the table and set down plates and spoons. Guan Shan fetched He Tian another chair, an old wooden one.

“Mom!” Guan Shan called out, “Come on, food’s on the table.”  
He heard his mother get up from the couch and walk into the kitchen. “Well! You've done a fine job, boys, it looks wonderful.”  
“Thank you,” He Tian said, beaming. Guan Shan rolled his eyes.

The three sat down, and as Guan Shan predicted, their tiny table was a tight fit for three people. He Tian didn't seem to mind, helping himself to several servings and making conversation with his mother. He asked her about her jobs, to which she answered cheerfully. They discussed school, general news, and the weather. He Tian slid so easily into their everyday life, it was if that third chair was always there, waiting for him to fill it. Guan Shan stuffed in food mouthful after mouthful, not really tasting anything. The dinner conversation was a distant buzz in his ear.  
He felt something nudge his foot, and he glanced up from glaring at his spoon. He Tian smirked at him, then nudged his foot against Guan Shan’s ankle, then his knee, then rested it on his lap.  
Guan Shan could barely breathe. His mom continued chattering. He Tian continued rubbing his foot along Guan Shan’s thighs.  
Guan Shan gave him his best glare, the one that sent children in the neighborhood running back into their houses. He Tian simply smiled wider, but removed his foot.  
Don’t look so glum, he mouthed at Guan Shan. Guan Shan flipped him off with his eyes.  
He Tian had noticed his sour mood throughout dinner. _How exposed was he? How weakened was he, that He Tian himself had to shake him out of his angry thoughts?_

They finished eating, and his mother seemed to finally run out of conversation topics. Guan Shan got up from his chair and started to pick the dirty plates off the table. His mother stopped him with a hand on his wrist.  
“Go take your friend to your room, go spend some time with each other! I'll clean up.”  
“But your work-”  
“Don't worry about that, I have the day off!”  
Guan Shan felt silent, knowing when he had lost the battle. He motioned at He Tian to follow him into the hallway and into his bedroom.

He Tian flopped back onto the bed, t-shirt riding up. Guan Shan ignored that strip of skin and settled back onto the floor next to the bed.  
“You got any cards?”  
Guan Shan grunted. “Yeah, a deck.”  
“That's perfect.”  
Guan Shan dug in his closet until he retrieved the old box filled with cards, and spread them out on the bed.  
The two played for hours, interrupted only by He Tian making snarky remarks and Guan Shan spitting back retorts. After a while, his mother let herself into the room and ordered her son to retrieve the spare futon for He Tian and spread it out for him. Another battle lost. The panther had won without a fight. This was his territory now.  
He retrieved the spare futon and cleared clothes and junk off the floor until there was enough space to lay it down.  
“Get on it,” he ordered He Tian.  
He Tian held up a box of cigarettes he had drawn out from his pocket. “Gonna go smoke on the balcony first.”  
Guan Shan shrugged, and watched as He Tian stepped outside and lit his cigarette. It glowed a bright orange in the dark of the night, and he watched as he held the lit cigarette to his face. He took a deep drag and then blew it out. Smoke swirled around him like gray ribbons. He peeled off his shirt and hung it over the railing.

“Stop staring,” He Tian said. “Come here.”  
Guan Shan knew how dangerous that was, when the smoke was hazy and slow and He Tian's eyes were careful and calculating and his hair was ruffled from the wind and his skin was too warm.  
“Too hot outside,” he said. “I’m going to sleep.” He shut the balcony door, turned off his bedroom light, and crawled under the covers of his bed. He kept his shirt on despite the heat.  
A few minutes later, the balcony door slid open and He Tian stepped back inside. He heard him shrugging out of his shorts and tossing them on the floor. He heard him walk to the bed. With one quick motion, he ripped the covers off Guan Shan.  
“Why didn't you come outisde, baby?”  
“Too hot-”  
He Tian slid onto the bed, sitting next to Guan Shan. He reached out a hand and touched his eyebrows, the bridge of his nose, the holes in his ears. His hand was gentle, too gentle, and it made Guan Shan close his eyes as to not see the expression on the other boy's face.  
“Open your eyes.” He felt fingers firmly grasp his jaw. He slid open his eyes. He Tian’s eyes were murky, black, sharks swimming in their depths. He smelled strongly of cigarette smoke, the same smell He Tian's black jacket had. The jacket was shoved deep in Guan Shan’s closet, where Guan Shan didn't have to look at it or sniff its sleeves and bury his face into its collar.

“You kept staring at me all day,” He Tian whispered. He was just making an observation, a statement, no justification or explanation needed. “What do you see?”

_Something sleek and black, with black fur or black feathers or black scales_  
 _Eyes, eyes, eyes, black like ink, staining me whenever you look at me_  
 _A_ _mouth where I don't know where it's been, but I want it on me_

“There's something I need to tell you,” He Tian whispered. Guan Shan’s heart missed a few beats, and he wondered if this was how he would die. Face inches away from He Tian's and his long fingers burning into his jaw.  
He Tian hovered his lips over the redhead’s ear, lips brushing his hair.

“ _You have a giant booger hanging out of your nose.”_

Guan Shan quickly slapped his hand to his nose, where he found nothing, of course. That _ass_.

Guan Shan grabbed the pillow next to him and whacked it straight into the bastard’s face. He Tian stumbled back, taken by surprise, but a slow smile curled his mouth.  
He Tian moved quickly, grabbing another pillow and throwing it at Guan Shan with the speed of a bullet. Guan Shan yelped and tumbled off the bed, swearing indignantly.

A flurry of pillows flew around the room as the boys started an all-out pillow war. Guan Shan got him in the stomach, making He Tian huff out a breath. He Tian knocked him in the head with a pillow, making his head snap back. The two clambered over the bed and desk, trying to get in as many hits as possible.

He Tian was laughing, his mouth shaped strangely, his teeth too sharp. Guan Shan watched, pillow hanging from his fingers.

_I could never get used to seeing him like this._

A pillow zoomed at Guan Shan’s face and he stumbled back, falling on his back onto the bed. He Tian walked over and loomed over him, putting a hand on either side of Guan Shan’s head. His straight black hair hung off his forehead, where Guan Shan could see He Tian's thin eyebrows. They were furrowed, and Guan Shan stared at the lines between his eyebrows. There were dark circles under He Tian's eyes, he realized. The scar on his neck was still a faint red.

_He's just a kid,_ Guan Shan thought. A kid with more money that he knows what to do with and an apartment with huge glass windows and glass silence. He smiles like he's not used to it, like he's afraid he’ll break something with it.

Then, _I wonder what he looks like when he's alone. I wonder if I’d recognize him._

He Tian was watching him, his face a few breaths away. “What am I supposed to do with you?” he whispered. “What do you want me to do?”

“You’re the one who doesn't know what he wants,” Guan Shan muttered. “I can't make sense of you.”  
He Tian was still, no expression on his face. “I've always known what I want,” he whispered back. His voice sounded like it was going to break in half. Maybe He Tian was made of glass too.

He Tian brought his head down lower, his bangs brushing Guan Shan's own forehead, his long fingers curled into red hair. Lips brushed over his own, soft as a question.  
Guan Shan closed his eyes and pressed back, head turning slightly. He Tian grasped the back of his head harder, pressing into him more firmly. Then as soon as it happened, it was gone.  
He Tian stared back with hunger in his eyes, and Guan Shan swallowed. He turned his head away, then He Tian slowly removed himself from on top of him. He moved off the bed and bent down to sit on his futon. Guan Shan watched the curve in his back, winding all the way down to his gray boxers.

He Tian flopped onto his back and leaned one leg against the side of the bed. “Its so hot in here,” he murmured.  
“Sorry,” Guan Shan responded, not really caring.  
“Are you gonna ignore this tomorrow?”  
“Huh?” Guan Shan turned his head to peer at him in the darkness. He couldn't make out what expression the other boy was making.

“Are you gonna pretend you didn't kiss me back just now? Or how you let me touch you? Did you throw away the jacket I gave you? And the pillow?” He was silent for a moment. “For how long are you going to keep running away, Mo Guan Shan? For how long will you let me get closer before you put up walls again?”  
“I don't know how to do this,” Guan Shan said. “I'm fucking tired of getting hurt.”

His dad, his classmates and teachers, She Li. His dad throwing his beer bottle at the wall, his mother crying in her room. She Li’s whispered lies and bright eyes.

_A small boy with red hair sat in the living room while his mother covered his scrapes and bruises with band-aids. Won't you tell me how you got these? she whispered. But he had turned his fear into anger and his words into fists. He did not tell her about the boys next door. The next day, he met them down the street and beat them and came home with a missing tooth. The boys left him alone after that, as did all the rest of the neighboorhood kids._

He fought because that was all he could do, all he knew. He was the animal here, the lone wolf with nothing to lose, and everything to fight for.

“You don't have to be afraid,” He Tian said. “I’ll protect you again and again.”  
“I don't need your protection.”  
“I’m giving it to you anyway.”

Tears burned at the back of Guan Shan’s eyes, and he blinked them away angrily. “Why? I don't have anything to give you back.”

“I don't want anything from you,” He Tian said simply.

Guan Shan closed his eyes and his breath hitched inside him.  
“Maybe there's something I can give you, someday.” He had nothing to give except for himself.

He Tian said nothing but turned his head around to look him in the eye. The two boys looked at each other for a few seconds and then He Tian nodded.

Guan Shan listened to his slow breathing evening out, until he knew the other boy must have fallen asleep. He thought about He Tian's dark circles, the strange men in black he saw him with, the sharks swimming in his eyes and threatening to bite if he got too close.

He didn't know anything about the other boy. He was made of something that Guan Shan was not, something made of glass and the smell of expensive cologne and cars that drove too fast and black eyes that blinked too slow and saw everything. But there was something else there too, something Guan Shan understood.

He watched He Tian's chest rise slowly with each breath, his eyes flickering as he slept. Here they were, two boys that didn't really know what they wanted but they wanted it anyway and managed to fuck everything up fighting for it.

_What do you see_ , He Tian had asked.

They were both the same, made of boy and fight and want and sweat from this goddamned heat.

That night, he dreamt of soft fingers against his jaw and a mouth that burned his own.

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> 19 Days has always been a favorite of mine, and Ive been wanting to contribute to the fandom  
> Im excited to see how OX will develop these two's relationship!
> 
> Thank you for reading!


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